I love you all and I wish I could give you hugs right now. ♥

I feel like everything's just meaningless. Everything I try to do to get out of here is a waste of time. I mean, how am I ever gonna get the fuck out? I can't wait three more years, and even if somehow I did, where the fuck would I go?
Yesterday, I was sitting in swedish class and the window was open, first it was cold abut then it started raining and i flashed back to april 9th 2007. the most awesome day. mcr in malmö. i don't know what happend but i felt the same way as i did then. i was happy, and cold, and nice. it was so nice. i miss having feelings like that. i miss that day. and july 1st 2007. that was a great day too.
i haven't been in my room for like, a year. the last time i was there was sometime in february 2008. since dad hit me i just never felt safe there. i want my own space but i'll never be able to get it. and i'm sorry i didn't tell you, because i want to tell you everything, but some things can be very embarrasing. i don't want people to think i'm not sane. well, actually i don't care what people think, i care what you think. because with the room thing, the first thing that pops into your head is, 'what?! is she crazy?', right? allthough i hope not. i have no problem being in the room, because i don't feel safe anywhere, it's just, there's a balcony, and i love that balcony but it'll probably not be so good if i'm sad and saround that balcony. i don't care about god's shit about me going to hell if i take my life, cause i'd do it, and hell is probably better than here. i want to believe that if there's a god at all, he/she/whatever doesn't punish people for other peoples mistakes.
i love you all so much, and i need you now.

March 27 2000 - August 4 2008
Rest in peace, Viggo ♥